From "Look at Me" to "I See You": Moving Beyond Self-Focus to Service

I'll never forget the day my granddaughter Joanna wanted my attention during an adult conversation. After asking her to wait politely, she finally climbed into my lap, placed her hands on my cheeks, turned my face toward hers, and declared, "Papa, I love you." While sweet, the real issue wasn't love – it was that Joanna wasn't the center of attention anymore.

This perfectly captures the world of toddlers. From birth, children require constant attention – feeding, changing, comforting. They develop an effective alarm system of crying and screaming when their environment doesn't meet their desires. A pattern emerges: express need, get attention, need met. They become the center of their parents' universe.

As children develop independence – rolling over, crawling, walking, talking – every "first" still brings focused attention. But as they become more self-sufficient, that constant monitoring decreases. Suddenly, two-year-olds find themselves caught between independence and need for recognition, leading to the familiar calls of "Look at me!" and "Watch me!"

The Adult "Look at Me" Syndrome

Here's the uncomfortable truth: we never fully outgrow this stage. We live in a "look at me" culture. Consider our preoccupation with selfies – once we photographed beautiful landscapes or memorable sites, sometimes including people. Now the landscape is secondary; we are the dominant subject. The focus has shifted to ourselves.

We all need to be noticed, seen, and cared for. We want our boss, spouse, parents, children, and friends to notice us. Wanting to be truly seen rather than looked through is natural – we need affirmation, attention, and love from others. However, life is not all about us.

When taken to extremes, this need becomes problematic. There's a difference between seeking healthy connection and needing to always be in the spotlight. A preoccupation with being the center of attention creates relational difficulties – it's hard to be around someone who is clingy, needy, and constantly demanding full attention.

The Church's Struggle

The church in Philippi apparently had a "look at me" problem. Paul's letter addresses selfish ambition and conceit, calling instead for humility and focusing on others' interests. Some were more interested in being noticed than noticing needs in their community or others' lives.

To counter this trend, Paul points to Jesus Christ, using what scholars call the kenosis hymn – the hymn of self-emptying. This early church song celebrates what Jesus did and who He was: in the form of God yet choosing to become human, equal with God but taking on flesh, master of the universe who came as a servant.

Jesus: The Ultimate Example

If anyone deserved a "look at me" life, it was Jesus – God in flesh, the immortal and eternal in skin and bones, the Creator becoming part of creation. Yet Jesus lived not in a self-seeking way, but oriented toward others. His life brought not acclaim to himself, but life to others and glory to God.

Consider Jesus's final lesson to his disciples. He didn't point to feeding 5,000 people, countless healings, or Palm Sunday's parade of acclamation as examples of ministry. Instead, He wrapped a towel around His waist and washed their feet – the most menial, mundane chore – saying, "This is what ministry is, this is what I am about, this is what it means to follow me."

Jesus didn't wash feet merely because they were dirty; He could have hired a servant for that. He wanted something greater – to bless His disciples, show His love, and demonstrate He would do anything for them. The highest form of ministry is the greatest act of service to others.

The Call to Service

Jesus didn't seek the spotlight but went to the least, lost, and lonely. His goal wasn't accolades but enhancing lives. He lived not to be a sensation but to be a blessing.

As Christ-followers, we're called to exhibit this same way of being in the world. Paul's challenge to Philippi applies to us: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Look not to your own interests but to the interests of others."

This is the ministry of the mundane – investing meaning into menial chores through love and service, focusing less on ourselves and more on those around us. Rather than living in "me, me, me" mode, we should live saying "I see you" – truly seeing others' deepest hopes, greatest fears, and highest joys, wanting to help, care for, and connect with them.

Through quiet acts of caring, hidden acts of compassion, listening and loving, may we all grow beyond the "me, me, me" stage and find peace, joy, and meaning in an "I see you" life lived for others' sake.